I have just come out from a very intense period. It has been “hard work” to get the website launched for us to have a foundation to lean on. As we are on a discovery journey we have of course also studied the energy present and our reactions in the process. I said to Morya – you have to excuse my grumpiness, I am tired. She understood. At several points there were tension. Morya called in impetus, a word that I have no relation to. I have a feeling that when we use tension in the right way it will serve as a stepping stone in our process – to something that is more true and honest. Maybe that is what the word impetus means…. to leverage a power that seemingly was not positive for development to something better. Being conscious about what is there helps to sort out the “negative” responses to be used as impetus – a spring board for a different action or direction. Lots of fun in this process. Lots of learning.
After the launch of the website and our joint venture Joy Ventures I literally have to shut down – I have a need for nothingness. I talked to a friend that said that there is a need to refill (energy) and I simply reacted with – no I do not need to refill I need to empty myself! This is quite contradictory to what we hear when we have been working hard. Maybe science now is catching up and through, for example mindfulness practices, they begin to understand that we in our wholesome state actually need nothing and that this is the state that we long for. Not to be filled with a whole new set of experiences, but quite the opposite – to empty ourselves from anything that has been going on. I have really had a feeling during this process (quite consciously) that I do not like myself when I am working so intensely. I also know that I did it as an active choice because I wanted the foundation to be ready so that we could move on with other things. I also have an upcoming vacation where I really wanted to “get ready” so that I could leave everything with a rather empty “to-do” list. It is so interesting to be an observer of my own energy and what is happening in my life, how I am the creator of everything that I experience!
My conclusion is that instead of refilling my system, I am in great need of nothingness. No plans. No agenda. Just be in the moment and sense what is. And when nothing is happening then that is absolutely perfect. I know that when I am in this place for some days, then my system will have emptied enough for life energy from the highest source to be able to reach me again, because I know that I am nothing but Joy when I cut out the noise.